Several Tasks:
“What on earth happened?”

14 Jun

What on earth happened

Hear me! I returned from my solitude. For those who noticed, I have returned on the web and among the living. I hereby apologize for my absence the past week-and-a-half. You might wonder what happened. Well, first of all I allowed myself one week of holiday last week. Second, I had a deadline today for the manuscript of my first book. It had to be free from any mistakes. As some of you know, I am very dyslectic so to make a text of over 200 pages, mistaken free is kind of a tough job. On Monday morning I locked myself into the good old UCM building and worked until a couple of hours ago to correct my script. It contained 118.091 words. This means I could have written 118.091 words wrong. And then I did not even mention all the punctuation marks that I had to check and most of them rewrite. Yes, it was a long week. But, now I am officially done. I send in my corrected version and now I have to wait for them to read it and to give me further instructions. If you are interested in a copy please write an email to: anne-sophie@theoriesofhappiness.com and I will make sure you will receive an email with further information on the book and how you can order it. This will only be one email and it will not be used for this website! Please keep in mind that the book is in Dutch and it is a fiction novel. It has nothing to do with anything written on this website, but it is still nice to read of course :D.

So what happened to my tasks while I was away? I will finally tell you now:

First my tasks from last week that I should already have fulfilled:

Week 14:

Task 27:

Ask for someone’s advice. Built together from the ideas he or she has given you.

(I have no clue if this is proper English, but I cannot figure out another way of phrasing this.) Of course I asked advice about a guy. Luckily, he is not interested enough to read this so I can talk about it ;). (At least I assume :)). In the end he still is a nice guy, so I am not going to complain about him (much). The advice given by several of my friends goes something like this: “If he doesn’t want to make time for you, he is definitely not worth your time.” It took a while before I realized that they are of course completely right. If he doesn’t like me enough to make some room in his busy schedule for me, well that is his loss. I would not even mind that so much. What I mind, what I find absolutely and totally annoying, (watch out because I will complain a bit now, which is something I normally do not really do), is that people never say what they actually mean. So frustrating! Of course I am too generalizing now but just leave that aside for a second.

Life would be so much easier if people would just say what they mean. Oh, and if people wouldn’t be so scared to hear what a person really means. In the end we are all just very afraid to hear what a person really means because we might not like to hear it, so we spin things around and leave it open for interpretation. Believe me, it doesn’t help! If you ask somebody if he or she would like to go out for a drink and the person says: “I am sorry but I am busy”, you can say this so many times until the person stops asking. If you do not want to go out, why not just say so! It saves the person asking, a lot of time, energy and embarrassing moments where he or she is rejected. Now you might say: “Isn’t it obvious that a person doesn’t want to go out when they say they don’t have time?” Well NO! If I have a freaking deadline on Friday from my manuscript and I have to work my ass off to get it done and you ask me to go out for a drink, I’ll tell you: “I am sorry, but I am busy” because I am actually busy! If I tell you that I am busy, while in fact I just do not want to go out with you, then what the hell I am suppose to say when I am really busy but I do want to go out with you? See, by trying to not hurt someone we are only making life more difficult. We start wondering about everything anyone says. We try to think about all the different ways someone could have meant what he or she actually said. This is way too complicated, and the chance that we actually guess right what the person meant is minimum. So, let’s all do ourselves a favor and just say what we mean, how about that?

Adding to this topic about being straightforward: why are people so afraid to actually hear other people say that they like them? Isn’t it nice when someone says: “Hey, you know what, I like you!” I do not know what goes around in your head, but I know that if I say: “I like you” it means that, guess what? I like you. I doesn’t not mean I want to spend the rest of my life with you, it does not mean I think about marrying you, or having your kids, it does not even mean I want to talk to you every day. It just means that I like you. What is so scary about that? It just means: hey, I think you are cool, let’s go out for a drink and see what happens. No rings, no vows, just a drink. Or two.

Now I will tell you all a secret, especially for the guys who might read this. If you just do not call or do not text this is kind of how are thinking process goes. The fact is, the guy did not text, this is the direction in which are thinking goes: “He probably does not want to text back immediately, because he doesn’t want us to know he is waiting for our text.” “Hm, maybe he is busy” “Maybe he is out with his friends and he doesn’t look at his phone” “Maybe he forgot his phone” “Maybe he is just not interested? Well, he could have said that” “Why would he not text me if we had such a lovely night?” “Okay, let’s give him some time, he probably will text me in a couple of days” Couple of days later, you still didn’t hear a thing: “Okay, he is really just not interested” “or, he is just afraid I immediately want to be serious. Well, if he doesn’t meet with me again, and can’t tell him that that that is not the case. So he should just text me.” “Maybe he is afraid I am falling in love with him.” “Or, maybe he is afraid he is falling in love with me” “Maybe he is scared I will reject him” “Maybe he thinks it will not work out anyway because he is leaving, or I am leaving and that is just not going to work” “Maybe he likes me so much, he doesn’t want to hurt me, so he doesn’t want to see me again” “or maybe he is really just not interested” “or maybe he is interested, but he has a friend who really likes me and therefore he doesn’t make a move” “or maybe he is just an ass” “or maybe he is just shy”

Seriously, you might not believe it, but this is stuff we think. And I have probably forgotten some other possibilities. You see, you might say that it is completely obvious that a guy just simply doesn’t like you if he doesn’t text you. The reason why we come up with all these different options is because half of the time we would like to keep hope, and the other half of the time actually one variation that is not the one stating “I do not want to see you” turns out to be true. See, people are sometimes just really scared. Or they think the other expects too much, or they do not want to hurt either themselves or the other. Or they truly are in fact just shy. It all happens, that is why we think of these variations. Because they do occur. And if we keep trying then sometimes we can figure out which variation is the right one, and we can act accordingly.

Now, this could all just be avoided by saying what we truly mean. This goes btw for girls just as much. We are often also not really honest when a guy asks us out and we do not want to. What is so difficult about saying: “Hey, I had a good time with you too, but I am afraid you expect to much out of this, is that true?” or “Hey, it was nice, but I see it just as something light and uncomplicated and not as something serious. If you agree with that, we can of course still see each other”. And if it turns out that it is really the case that you do not want to see the person again, just say so. You save her and maybe also him from putting all their energy in all those thoughts that would not have been necessary at all. In the end, it is really much nicer.

So the guy I asked advice about also could not give me any straight answer. Maybe he just does not want to see me again, maybe any of those variations I mentioned above is correct, or maybe it is because of a completely different reason that I haven’t even thought of yet. Anyway, I will never find out, because he couldn’t just tell me. I just wanted something light, since I am moving to London anyway and now I wasted so much thoughts and a large part of this post on a question that doesn’t get an answer. So, again I ask: please can we all just be straightforward and say what we mean?

Okay, enough with the complaining. In the end, the only thing I can do is just being straightforward myself. So that is what I am trying to do. Let’s look at the next task I was suppose to do:

Task 28:

Visit your place of birth. Walk around there and talk to the people.

Yes, well, this is the second task I have not fulfilled. Yet. My place of birth is at least three hours away if the trains are being on time. This means that if I want to go for just one day I would sit in the train for six hours. I decided to move this task to a moment, probably coming soon, when I want to visit my grandmother again. She is still living in the town near where I was born so I could see her and visit my place of birth. Otherwise I just don’t feel like it is worth it. So, no long text for this task. Just a postponement until I will visit my grandma. I’ll come back to you later :).

And to pack it all in one post, my tasks for the upcoming week:

Week 15:

Task 29:

Make a birthday-calendar of all your friends. From now on send them a personal birthday card every year.

I like this task and I will search for my creativity again this weekend to make such a calendar. The real question is of course: whom do I put on this calendar. It is really not so easy to answer. I know a lot of people, I would also call a lot of them my friends. But I am moving away so I will not see many of them. Are we close enough friends that I want to take the effort to send them a personal birthday card? I would say yes to many of them at this moment. But how about next year? Or the year after that? Do I then still want to do that? I won’t be a hypocrite and tell you all friendships will be sustained. Because I know myself and that is just really difficult, especially if you have friends all over the world. So this is also something I want to think about this weekend. Maybe I am surprised by my own conclusion. Who knows?

Task 30:

Think about possible new hobbies and pick one of them. Start practicing that. Or pick back up an old hobby.

When I read this task I thought: “I know my hobby. It is writing and blogging. I am already doing that and probably spending too much time on it as well.” But then I started to think a little further. I have had several different hobbies when I was younger. Haha, that sounds as if I am really old ;). I used to do judo and hockey, even tennis for a while although I did not really like that. I also loved to do puzzles. They could have 2000, 3000 even 5000 pieces, I did not care. I could be busy for days just listening to music and trying to find the right pieces for the right spots. There was also a time when I drew a lot. Most of you don’t know this but I liked to draw manga’s, those Japanese comics. I still have the drawings somewhere. I also liked to paint and write sayings or poems on them. Or play Sudoku for hours and hours. I could also play the Wii with my friends. We would organize entire tournaments and nights where we would play until the sun started to rise again. Ah, the good old days. I love those game nights and still participate in them whenever I return to Germany. With three guy friends we would play for hours. They even got me hooked up on killing games like Halo and Soul Calibur. I am always very proud if I end up on third place instead of last while playing Halo. But I am not a bad Soul Calibur player, but you can only do that with two people so we do not play that that often. The game I love the most and I am also good at is Super Smash Bros. I love that game! And I have a very great friend I always play it with. Unfortunately the others cannot really play it so we always beat them and therefore they do not like it that much. Haha, I hope they do not read this. Maybe it is time for revenge next time I am home.

Anyway, I am sure I will find a hobby that does not consist of writing and sitting behind a laptop all day. I am quite sure though I will not return to playing with Lego or K’nex all day. Ah, sometimes I wish I could be a kid again and just lock myself into my room and built an entire world with all stuff and my imagination. 🙂 We will see what I end up doing this week.

So, a very long post but then again it had to be three into one so I think that is a fair reason. I hope you enjoyed and I wish you all a lovely week!

 

Lot’s of straightforward love 😉

Anne-Sophie

 

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